I'll be your best kept secret

ryan was telling everyone that i was flirting with josh on the bus, and cody was like, "you have a thing for freshmen huh?" and i hit him.

then in civics mr. dreifach broke off the pencil sharpener. it was fucking hilarious. hes going to get fired.

then josh wasnt on the bus.

josh boone is a cutie. hes on my bus. and today we were standing in the lunch line talking. there was this "eat right" flower sign up, and he was like, "you know, it'd be so fun to just RIP that off." then i just laughed and smiled and he was like "oh fine dont say hi", so i was like "HI." and then we talked about sporks.

then on the bus i was sitting in front of him and he was messing with my cd player and asking for gum but i didnt have any because i had gotten mine from that other jessica girl (not the one whos my bestest buddy).

amber went out with him for like all year in eigth grade, thats why he knows me.


oh, and civics class is officially the funniest class ever. all the guys kept goofing around, so mr. dreifach started yelling and then everyone couldnt stop laughing so he was like "YOURE GOING TO DO YOUR WORK AND STOP LAUGHING!" and then ben wilcox got a bloody nose but mr. dreifach told the office he was faking it, so ben got an iss.

funny class. scott is in it. i still <3 him.

yesterday was the first day of school. sophomore year isn't going to be as fun as last year.

my scottieeee! when i first saw him, my heart just like leaped. he is in my civics AND gym class! unfortunately those are both one-semester classes, i hope he's in a few of my classes next semester.

i love him. i mean really, im just in love with him. simple as that. having him is the one opportunity i want the most in this part of my life.

hehehe. i showed matt scott's myspace which led to this conversation.

Aquafinn16: i don't know WHY you like him ><
dracosgrl187: what are your guesses?
dracosgrl187: lol jk.
Aquafinn16: the music video scares me
dracosgrl187: its just this thing that i like about him.
dracosgrl187: love is confusing.
Aquafinn16: o.<
dracosgrl187: it started in like october. when he sat across from me in math class a few times to be around his friends. and he doodled a lot and i was like "you know hes really cute" and bla bla bla.
Aquafinn16: o.o
dracosgrl187: sighhh.
dracosgrl187: and what am i supposed to like about someone?
dracosgrl187: the typical nice smart funny okay to look at?
Aquafinn16: well personally
Aquafinn16: your going to yell at me
Aquafinn16: but if i was a girl
dracosgrl187: hm?
Aquafinn16: i would think he was butt ugly
Aquafinn16: xD
dracosgrl187: i find him adorable.
dracosgrl187: everyone thinks hes ugly. no ig deal.
dracosgrl187: *big
Aquafinn16: meh
Aquafinn16: you have an ODD taste in peopel you liek
dracosgrl187: and whom else have i liked that youve considered bad taste?
Aquafinn16: zach
Aquafinn16: xD
Aquafinn16: ryan
Aquafinn16: cody was al right
dracosgrl187: i never liked ryan.
Aquafinn16: but he's not for you
Aquafinn16: you had that fling thing
Aquafinn16: xD
dracosgrl187: zach was not bad taste!
dracosgrl187: everyone thought zach was hot!
dracosgrl187: and he was so nice.
Aquafinn16: meh
Aquafinn16: i have no comment
dracosgrl187: lets agree on one person that was bad taste.
Aquafinn16: why?
dracosgrl187: because i havent had bad taste!
Aquafinn16: i don't like most of the guys you date
Aquafinn16: its all personal opinion
Aquafinn16: ><
dracosgrl187: i never liked ryan (i was just desperate so i THOUGHT i liked him), zach was not bad taste, scott is not bad taste.
dracosgrl187: no comment on jake.
Aquafinn16: like i said
Aquafinn16: PERSONAL OPINION
dracosgrl187: okay.
dracosgrl187: i just like disagreeing with you. ^^

haha hes practically my big brother.

So I am kind of flipping confused right now.

I am looking at Scott's picture on myspace, yes I found it about a week ago. And realizing that I just love him so much.

But I am starting to like Jake. I mean, I barely even gave him a chance. I could have such a chance with him, but the feelings for him could never measure up to those I have for Scott. That I know of. I love Scott, I really do. Yet I have no chance with him in this point in time, if I were to ever go out with him it would be a long time from now.

good god i am confused.

Take the quiz:
what will be the guy u marrys name be

Chris
u will marry a really cool crazy dude

Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!


how convenient.

last night i had a dream about scott.

so it was the second to last day of school and we were leaving from this school camping trip and i was looking for him. then the next morning i was rushing to get to school but i missed the bus. then when i got to school i was taking my math exam and scott was in the class. he kept changing seats. one time he was in front of me then behind me and then two rows over from me but the girl between us kept moving so hw asked mr. mruk if she could like calm down.

nice dream.

oh my fecking god. today was the last day of school. before scott arrived, i was thinking "i hope we wears a cute shirt today". surely enough, he wore his avenged sevenfold shirt. ^_^ sam hubbard randomly came up to our group and yelled, "OH MY GOD!" and scott was taping it.

then later on, i was standing outside the cafeteria with the group, and scott walked by. i said to matt, "that may be the last time ill see him!" and so matt was like "what, is he moving next year?" and i was like "no, i dont think so." i thought id see scott at the end of the day.

and i didnt see him. i was searching the school, to look for my love, so i could see him for the last time before two months without him. i started crying and when i came back, matt was like "whats wrong" and i was like "nothing, its the last day of school." i told him they were tears of happiness, that school was over.

and then i tried to stop from crying. and i am crying right now. because i will miss scott so fucking much.

and yeah after school we went to six flags. with andi matt kelsey jess and chris. at one point when we were all eating, kelsey andi and matt got up to get icess, leaving me jess and chris. then jess went up to the bathroom.

most awkward five minutes ever.

and yeah six flags wasnt as cool as last time.

when they were driving me home, i was discussing my "relationship problems" and everyone wanted me to shut up. i retold them about the ngith of chris and they laughed. dude, so many so adorable things happened that night! nine months ago tonight, was pure fucking magic.

chris is one of my potential soulmates, whom i experienced love at first sight with. then theres billy joe, who is the d to my d/hr. then theres ryan, who im practically already married to. then there of course is scott, whom i swear i have loved more than anyone else. then theres... oh shit nevermind. cant say. people would kill me. anyway with that guy it was kind of love at first sight.

i have loved scott more than zach because:
a. when zach danced with jessica blair, i cried a lot. but when scott flirted with another girl, i went home and cried hysterically.
b. on the last day of 8th grade, i didnt cry when it was my last day of seeing zach. however i am crying over scott today.
c. zach was just hot, and okay he was nice too, and sort of smart. hes mainstream. scott however, is underappreciated, he has the most amazing personality even only from before, he is just more lovable to me. zach is more crushable.
d. i went into denial with my feelings for scott. last year in washington, he sat next to me at one of the museums. i was thinking that he was hot, yet forgot about him. and in math i still noticed him but only labeled him as "fucking sexy". with zach, it was just...ergh. teh boringness.

so, yeah. i havent posted in practically forever.

SIX FLAGS. WAS LIKE A MONTH AGO. but fun. when i first saw chris, i was like thinking, "oh my god there he is", but i was only getting in the car so i couldnt see him that well. during the ride to ehs (where we would meet up with everyone else) he got out to go sit with the rest of the guys, and so andi could sit with us. and that was when i got a view of what he looked like. i seriously thoguht something like, "oh my god, i made out with that?" he was fricking UGLY! it mustve been the lights that night in september. haha, "that night in september", that would be a good movie or song or book name.
so then that day we went on rides and stuff. and at one point, cody had his arm around me, because he was pimp!batman, and andi said we should go out, but he said, "yeah, i think ryans working on that." but i swear i felt him pull me closer. then later i got a bert plushie! jessica let me have it, she won it. ^_^

Chris is a jerk.

Chris is a hypocrite.

Chris is a liar.

Chris is a heartbreaker.

I've written like a page on everything I hate about Chris.

Yet I'm extremely eager to see him in twenty one days.

So this has been a very nice time up here with my cousin. On Wednesday night, we went to Sarah's friend John's house and she said there would be pancakes but there weren't. So we picked up this other guy so then we were all squished in. I was sitting betweeen Junior guys during each ride. Muahaha, my mother would disapprove. And we went to the playground and went on the swings and then two of them told me to push the spinny go round thing, I forget what they're called. They were like, "Slave labor, fourteen year old!" And then on the last ride one of them was like, lying down in the back seat on top of me and two other guys' laps. And then later on that same guy mooned an old guy and a minivan. I was laughing so hard, I seriously almost wet my pants.

Then yesterday her friend Andrew saw Benchwarmers with us and we were laughing when one of the guys said, "My moyher would disapprove of this!" because I was saying that twice the previous night. So then we went to the Dollar Store and Sarah bought glasses, an orange pimp hat that doesn't fit, and some grey tshirt she's going to write "Asians are the hot diggety dog!" on it. And then we went to her house and went on the boat and stuff. Then we played Uno. And I won once and then Sarah did and then Andrew did. Then we went to see her get her prom dress fitted and then we got food and then we went to her Youth Group and I fell asleep so Andrew said Jesus was going to throw a lightning bolt at me. Fun. Then we went back to her house again and we palyed with these balloon things. And then Andrew sat on my legs for like 15 minutes so then my feet were all hurting when we went down to go on the trampoline so he carried me on his back half the way down. But then when we got on the trampoline and when he jumped on I like went flying off and hit my head really hard on the ground and it hurt bad and while I was falling I seriousy thought I was going to die. Then we all just gazed at the stars and Andrew tried to count them. And then we went inside and wait naybe that was when we played with the balloons. So then when he was leaving Sarah hugged him and so Andrew looked at me and was like, "Do you wanna hug too?" and I was like, "Yeah" so I gave him a hug and then he left.

Then Sarah and I watched Corpse Bride. Weird movie. Then I fell asleep early because of the Tylenol for my head. Speaking of my head, it hurts right now. Then this morning we dyed my hair purple and black. It comes out after eight to ten washes, but still...

My mother would disapprove. >=D

Oh yeah and tonight we're supposed to go to show and later we're going to the mall. I want a picture of my hair.

Bleh. I'm bored.

I need to finish the application for my Scarlett Crabbe character for Veritaserum. I've been thinknig of having her and Zabini!Scott hook up in the end, because she's kind of like me and Zabini!Scott's, you know, Scott.

Oh, speaking of Scott, I remember the dream I had about him the other night. So he was sitting at my lunch table and I was signaling to Jessica that he was OMG! AT OUR TABLE!1! so I did and he looked at me and I looked away to not let him know I liked him because I'm weird. So she was whispering to him that I liked him and wanted to get his attention and stuff, so then he said something like, sure he'd go out with me, of course he liked me. Then the like Senior/Junior version of him was sitting next ot me and I started making out with him and was like, "What else am I supposed to do?". So then we were messaging each other from our iPods and I was upset when he stopped messaging me, like he'd broken up with me. Then I woke up not knowing if he was leaving me or just not being constantly alert.

Last night I dreamt about sixth grade. We were sitting in this huge room with, you know, our fellow sixth grader, in Mrs. Morgan's classroom. Haha, it was nice. Scott was sitting next to me in his seat. I remember where he sat, because there's a picture of it in the 6th grade yearbook.

Happy spring break.

I had two dreams about Scott ever since Thursday. One on Thursday night, I kind of forgot what it was about but I remember it being very nice. I wrote down what it was about, so perhaps I'll tell you later. But then on Friday night I dreamt I was moving to north or South Carolina, and I was going out with Mike Zethner. X_x weird. So then I was on this bus and Scott was walking behind me (I specifically remember him wearing an orange shirt, if that counts for anything), and I said, "Scott?" and felt kind of embarrassed about talking to him. But he was like, Ryan. It was weird. but nice to see his face! ^_^

So I've liked him more than six months now. Sigh. On the fourteenth of October 2005 I really started noticing him. At least I wrote down that I did. Then on the 20th, I had a dream that we were holding hands and that's when I started really liking him.

Ooh. I might be staying at Sarah's house after Wednesday for a few days. Cool.

I've decided that I'm going to start watching That 70's Show. I watched an episode the other night (the one where the lady loses her engagement ring so Fez and Jackie and Hyde and the other two go looking for it in the woods), and it was really good. I like Fez. He reminds me kinda of Scott. xD

1. First off, did anyone see Simon touching Ryan's hand for one moment last night? Ryan put his hand on the judge's table, and Simon like touched it with his fist.

2. Will! Will Will Will Will Will he was in the audience!!! I missed seeing his pretty face so muuuuuuch.

3. If Bucky does not get booted off tonight, I am going to kick my television. I already cancelled my mtoher's recording of Dog The Bounty Hunter by taking out the tape. >=D

Gah. Today I was actually thinking during science.

Realizing that people are assholes. I was thinking about that time that Kelsey said Jake only went out with me because he was desperate. I mean, I never liked him or anything, but it was nice to feel like somebody actually liked me, you know? Now I'm not even sure if he ever liked me. Fuck, why must I be such a pushover? Why does Kelsey have to be such a bitch? Such a whore, such a bitch? Good fucking God, I hate her. I honestly do. She's only decent to me when there's nobody else to hang out with.

And the other day I was sitting there during lunch, eating my slushie thing, in the "most seductive way possible." Matt, that fucking gaylord bitch, says "Charlotte, in order for that to work, you have to be actually good looking." Then I remembered that time a few months ago, I think it was before Thanksgiving vacation, Jessica said I was a slut for making out with Chris, which didn't bother me, I thought it was funny. So Matt says, out of nowhere, "You have to be good-looking to be a slut." And also today in math class, we were all talking about his contacts, and he says something about my eye color and how it was "krypontite" or something like that, "wait, no, krypontite's prettier." Asshole.

He just came online. It's probably his mom since he isn't IMing me. I want to give that little mother-fucker a piece of my mind. And one of these days Kelsey too. They're both ignorant little bitches. God, I hate them. One of these days, one of these fights is actually going to last.

so I'm in that phase where I write down Scott's name wherever I can. it's nice. <3

anyone wanna do me a favor? find me a few good icons of wilmer valderrama, preferably textless ones. it's for a harry potter roleplay site.

tonight american idol's on! yayyyy. they're performing rock songs, so chris's performance is gonig to be awesome, i know it.

oh, speaking of the other chris, kelsey says she gave him a blowjob this weekend. ech. so she's either a liar or a slut. haha.

Ow. My heart is hurting. And no, it's not because of Scott. I mean literally. My chest hurts. I wish I weren't sick.

I miss Scott. I miss his goofy face. and his vampire teeth. and his dorky laugh. and his constant avenged sevenfold and ac/dc shirts he always wears.

gah i love him.

So I haven't updated in awhile, thought you people should know some things.

one. I got an iPod! Woot! My mother bought one for me last saturday. we were at walmart because she was gonig to buy me a CD player, and I saw the iPods, and asked if she would please get me one, and she was like, "instead of the CD player, okay". I've only burnt my CDs onto it, haven't bought any songs.

two. the termie's back! I haven't been in school since monday. i miss my scottiekins. < / 3 i think i had a dream about him the other night. damn, i rarely have dreams lately. this morning, i was so sick, that i sat in the living room and watched nick jr. for an hour because i was too weak to get up and change the channel. but at least the show go diego go! was about llamas. hehe.

three. so i was watching american idol last night, and omg, paris actually did pretty GOOD! good song choice, very good song. i didn't get to see taylor's performance. nuuuu.

four. i've decided to apologize to jake. not to get back with him, because i do not want to get back with him, but the breakup was really just horrid. i want to show my maturity by telling him exactly why i broke up with him.

five. i've noticed that im' becoming quite a better typer. i can type as i think. my wpam in keyboarding class was 6 the other day on the pretest! yayy! first time above zero. ben got a perfect paper. wooahh. i was listening to my ipod the whole time. hehe, it was fun.

I broke up with Jake this morning. He annoys me and I hate how he constantly wants to hold my hand and touch my leg. It was funny how I broke up with him, really.

So we were standing there in the morning, and I was about to break up with him, all the girls were telling me to just get it over with. So the girls walked away to look for Matt, and I waved my arm for Jessica to come back so she came back and then we were whispering about it and Jake was all confused. I think he thought I was going to kiss him or something. Hehe, poor kid. So then a few seconds later we were just standing there, blankly, and I almost yelled, "ITHINKWESHOULDBREAKUP." And so he was like, "okay." And I was like, "okay, bye", and walked away. It was more like skipping Jess andI were laughing and stuff. So then I went over to Ryan and like put my face in his and was like, "I'm officially boyfriend-free!" and then I was like, "well, Ryan, it'll be like old times won't it? I can hit on you all I want", and I put my arm around him and we all laughed.

I love myself after today. I've learned to respect myself.

I suppose you could say that... I HAVE A BOYFRIEND.

It's that Jake guy, who's been hanging out with us more lately. We were sitting together at the lunch table and I was kind of very close to him because I was sharing a seat with Ryan. So he was typing in his code thing on his calculator (he's such a nerd xD), and asked me on it, "DO U HAVE A BF" and so I said, "No", and he was like, "Will you go out with me?" and I was like, "Sure". And we jsut sat there. And his hand was kind of touching my knee so then we were holding hands. Then we were walking out and holding hands again and Toby Zheng saw us and he was like, "What the...?" and then Whitney saw us and she like yelled, "Ooh! Charlotte, you're cheating on Ryan?!" but we just kept walking. So he asked me where my next class was and I said English so he walked me to English but then I realized I had science. Then later on I walked past Scott and still felt something for him. sigh. it'll fade soon. or i can use him to take my mind off Jake when/if we break up.

:o American Idol's on tonight! I think Lisa might go home. CHRIS DID SO...FLIPPING...AWESOMMMEEEE!!! And Elliot did great, but neh. I hate the song he chose. Not because it was gangsta, but because I just hate "I Don't Wanna Be" by Gavin Degraw.